Facebook friends you don’t wanna have!

1. The ones who LIKE every status without even reading it.

For example: Jim: “FML the doctor said I have cancer, aids and I’ll probably die slowly with horrible demonic pains!!”

After one second –> Mike Smith like your status. (He may even drop a LOL as a comment)

 

2. Those who comment only on special events.

Example: Jim: “I am getting married tomorrow!”

—-> Don Munchken: “Great man!!! I am so happy for you! PS hows your mother doing?”

—-> Jim: “She died 5 years ago…”

 

3. The “who the fuck are you man?” type of user.

Example: Jim: “the government is screwing us!”

—–> Harry abdul khakim: “What else new?”

—–> Jim: “Hey, who the hell are you?! I don’t even know you.”

 

4. Those moral assholes who mention poor people.

Example: Jim: “I am hungry and have nothing to eat on my fridge.”

——> Asshole: “And what about those african poor kids who have nothing to eat but their fingernails?”

 

5. The blind pervert who comment on ANY picture of ANY female on his friend list because he’s horny as an inmate after 40 years in prison.

Example: Jennifer has uploaded a new profile pic (BTW: jennifer looks like a guinea pig, has a mustache and green mucus hanging from her weird nose. She also may have only 4 teeth in her mouth.. located randomly inside there.)

—–> Pervert: “wow jennifer, you look HOT!!!! SEXY YUM YUM HUA HUA”

 

6. The virtual street fighter. A frustrated dude who starts conflicts on random status updates with other users and vomits all his anger on an innocent poor person.

Example: Jim: “Going to the gym”

——> Moses K: “Have fun man”

——> The virtual street fighter: “Why should he have fun?

——> Moses K: “Why not?”

——> The virtual street fighter: “Oh, so now you are being arrogant? You know what? people like you  are the reason why we look so bad as a society you piece of sh%t, why don’t you go and do something useful instead of facebooking? You aren’t working arent you? damn parasite, I so hate you right now!”

 

7. The mother Teresa. A female who comforts everyone, no matter what filling them with unrealistic facts.

Example: Jim: “I am so fat right now, I weight more than my car….And it’s a damn van. I’ll never get marry.”

——-> Teresa: “Dear jim, you are not fat, you are only wide.  People such as yourself have big hearts and girls ADORE people like you.  You can’t even imagine how many girls are not into skinny guys, but prefer huge hairy ogres like you because they feel confidence around them…Like having a bear friend.”

——-> Jim: “for real? wow thank you teresa, tonight i’m going to try my luck on the dance floor. should i wear something to emphasize my man-tits?”

 

8. The fucktard who writes like shit and thinks it’s actually cool.

Example: Jim: “How are you dear facebook friends?

——-> Fucktard: “LOL LOL I am doi^g  5O wellllllllll Chimiask 23ds$@ And Me Go”ne Bot Be back..”

 

9. The spammer.

Example: Jim: “I found a complete eyebrow on my pizza, I’m so going to sue pizza hut for it!”

——->   Spammer: “My nigerian friend Mumbata found 40 milion dollar in his garden and needs you to invest only 1 million dollars & help him to bring the money to a safe ground. Then he will split it with you on a ratio of 98% for you, and only 2% for him, because he does it for justice.”

 

10. The cancer boy.

Example: Jim: “I’m so happy! my grandmother finally died and I’m moving into her house!”

——–> The cancer boy: “I need you to donate money for my surgery that costs 200,000 in order to save my life.. P.S I’m also pissed of from being bold at the age of 10.”

 

11. The bold person.

Example: Jim: “Did anyone see survivor yesterday? “

———-> Bold person: “NO I DONT HAVE A TV IN MY HOUSE BECAUSE ITS CORRUPTING AND I LOVE TO HEAR COUNTRY MUSIC ON MY RADIO”

———-> Jim: “Grandma, turn the damn caps-lock button off, sheesh, how many times I told you it’s the most annoying  thing on earth?”

 

12.  The provocative bastard. A person who always write extreme gross things in order to draw attention.

Example: Jim: “I Just got back from the bathroom. Oh boy I had such a huge dump in there. It’s still floating in the water and refuses to go down. Actually, I didn’t believe it came out of my ass so I took a  fork and stabbed it in order to check if it’s an extraterrestrial entity. You know what? I’m going to take a picture of it and open a special fan page.”